We Eventually Shatter After We're Broken

I know someone in my life who always put someone else's happiness before hers. I don't know if she does it out of habit or if she's forced to. She's just like any of us, she have been through typical ups and downs in her life. She's been heartbroken, cheated on, backstabbed, abandoned and even been talked shit about behind her back. We all somehow have went through this in our lives, haven't we? And if we have not, we might in our future. This girl, she fell in love for the first time, she didn't know it was love. She doesn't know what love really is till now. All she knows is that love is that feeling when you're the reason for someone else's smile. Just like some people, her first love one day left her heartbroken. She felt so broken, she doubted she could ever survive because it was suffocating to live a life without love. She cried for months. And just like that, one day she believed someone would save her from drowning. She believed that the God had sent her a lifesaver. She was smiling again. She found reasons to continue living, she was laughing again, she trusted him. She came out of the pain but she couldn't forget her first love. So, she cherished all the good memories and buried the bad ones so deep that even if she wanted, she wouldn't be able to reach it. She made sure her first love was a lesson in her life and she never regretted it. She was thankful for the pain. Years passed, she was smiling. But it wasn't real. She can't remember what happiness means anymore. She tried, every single day, she would try but nothing worked. Was her first love haunting her? It's been six years, she soon figured that wasn't the case. Her first love have only taught her to love someone dearly and she can't remember any hatred gained from that. Then what could it be? She didn't feel like herself anymore. She can't move her arms or legs. She couldn't even say a word unless someone would tell her what to say. She soon realized, she turned into a puppet. A puppet who had strings attached to it and someone would move her the way they wanted. The way they liked. The way that would make them smile even if she had to shed tears. They would pull her strings really hard that it was hurting her, she wanted to scream but she couldn't. She was afraid. As much as she wanted to cut her strings, to end her life as a puppet, she couldn't. She went with the pushing and pulling. She would let them do anything to her because she was making them smile. She couldn't afford to see them hurting just like she did. She was use to it but they weren't so how could she hurt them. She eventually lost everything she had. She was broken. Fixed. And broken again. The scars would show but she made sure they were hidden so that no one would notice. She didn't want anyone trying to fix her because she didn't trust anyone, anymore. She would look at others and envied their smile. Their freedom. She wanted to be set free but she realized getting her freedom would mean breaking many hearts. She knew how it felt to be heartbroken. So, she continued her life as a puppet. Till this date. Like a glass, she was broken. And she's shattering each and every day. xx, shalini